How do I look at failure in my own life? How has failure played a role in my own professional practice? Am I learning the lessons God is wanting to teach me?
When I look at my own failures and opportunities, I typically sound like my two-year-old granddaughter. My thinking starts off with, “I can do this. I can do this, too!” Setting limits only causes me to dig my heels in deeper. Of course, this happens right before the work, projects, and grand ideas start to tumble out of my hands, only to land around my feet.
A Tale of Two Needle Sticks
Two examples from my practice stand out to me. The first was working on a medical/surgical floor at a U.S. Army community hospital where our patients were active duty or retired military. Most of our staff were participating in required training and we had a limited team working the floor. I think every one of my patients was in excruciating pain.
Addressing the pain needs of my patients always has been a high priority for me. And in my mind, I can almost hear myself thinking, “I can do this. I can do this, too!” I was hurrying to get everything done. And I did, but at a cost. On that day, I would become the only nurse on the floor who stuck herself with not one, but two dirty needles in one shift.
I knew better! My self-talk as I completed incident reports, reported to the lab for bloodwork, and had a follow-up conversation with my manager wasn’t the best. Sometimes we say things to ourselves that we’d never say to someone else.
More Caffeine, Please
The second situation that stands out to me has similar themes. Let’s say I’m just a very slow learner. I was working in higher education at a small Christian college in my first role in academia. There was a lot to learn as I prepared lessons, exams, and graded care plans and assignments. And there were numerous student needs. These students were investing so much into their education. I wanted to support them any way I could so they could succeed.
It wasn’t at all uncommon for me to put in a 55- to 60-hour work week. Keeping up this pace over the course of a semester was exhausting. I began to increase my caffeine intake. At first it was for the extra energy boost, and then, so I could stay awake during my hour-long drive home. Coming home from a faculty-staff Christmas party, I began to fall asleep at the wheel. Not just nodding off: this was falling asleep and waking up in another lane of traffic. Fortunately, I was not traveling on a busy road. What if I had hurt someone else? I also knew that if I didn’t make a change, someone would be pulling me out of a ditch.
Months later, after transitioning into a new position, I began my doctoral studies. My research focused on self-care strategies to reduce compassion fatigue among nurses. Did my life reflect that self-care? Not completely. I was no longer consuming caffeine or falling sleep while driving. But God kept bringing me back to my need to care for myself. I began to finally put the pieces together for the reasons behind my tendencies to meet the needs of others. God would remind me in my quiet time that I couldn’t give from a cup that was empty.
Forsaking Failure
I’d like to tell you I’m the model of self-care. I’m not. But I’m learning. The lessons aren’t always easy, but God is always faithful. I’m learning how to set better boundaries for myself. I take time to do the little things that fill my cup: enjoying the beauty of God’s creation, playing with my grandchildren, or stopping by the local thrift store to see what small treasures may be hiding there.
I’m letting others know “I need help” or “I need to talk.” I’ve found tremendous support in the nurses who are a part of my Sunday night prayer group and the women who are a part of my Alzheimer’s support group. Yes, my husband has dementia--multiple forms of dementia, in fact. God knew many, many years ago that self-care would be a have to for me if I’m to be able to support and care for him as my husband’s needs progress.
The mistakes and failures I’ve made along the way have brought me into deeper relationship and intimacy with God. I am surrounded by his provision and blessing. It’s been the greatest treasure of all for me. I pray you experience and seek that treasure as well in the chaos, challenges, mistakes, and failures that are a part of your own story.
Christy Secor, DNP, RN, CDWF, is NCF’s Professional Ministries Director and a lover of people. She’s also a lifelong learner who’s growing wiser while learning from her mistakes.
The article appears in the newest issue of the Journal of Christian Nursing. Get every issue, in print and online, as a member of NCF—plus lots of other benefits (free and discounted CE, professional and student nurse groups, Tabletop Discussions, mentorship, members-only Bible studies, and more).
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