Sarah, an oncology nurse with a caring, compassionate nature, rushes into the hospital to begin her shift. In the past, she remembers taking time to get to know her patients and their families. But today she finds the new EHR overwhelming and leaves patients' rooms realizing she merely checks the boxes rather than giving patients her undivided attention. When she thinks about it, she realizes she often tunes out during conversations, unintentionally ignores nonverbal clues, and fails to demonstrate the compassion she wants to show as a nurse.
Nurses face conflicting priorities, mounds of documentation, and higher patient loads. Many feel overwhelmed, focusing on the task in front of them rather than the person. Instead of listening, some nurses find themselves in the role of an advisor, expressing their view and telling others what needs to be done, rather than seeking to understand. For example, as a nurse do you
- jump to conclusions and make hasty judgments?
- interrupt others and/or finish their thoughts?
- ignore or minimize nonverbal cues?
- fake attention, instead of focusing on what patients are saying?
If so, you’re not alone. Though we nurses are trained in basic active listening skills, the gift of listening is rare today. Nurses who want to show their concern, foster open dialogue, and be heard can learn so much from Jesus and how he listened.
Lesson 1: Listen to God First
“The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught red-handed in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, ‘The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.’” John 8:3-7, The Message
In this tense situation, Jesus doesn’t immediately respond. Instead of reacting, he thinks before answering. During challenging situations, Jesus used silence to listen to God before responding. Jesus' first lesson for us is to listen to God first. Having a prayerful mindset (Ephesians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:17) allows God speak through you.
Lesson 2: Display Empathy
“Mary came to where Jesus was waiting and fell at his feet, saying, “Master, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, a deep anger [emotion] welled up within him. He said, “Where did you put him?” “Master, come and see,” they said. Now Jesus wept.” John 11:32-35, The Message
In this experience, Jesus demonstrated compassion by quietly listening. In situations when your patient is hurt, confused, frightened, or angry, it’s important to gain understanding of his/her feelings before responding. Similarly, in happy events, we can demonstrate God's love in rejoicing with others and affirming and blessing them.
Caring listening requires us to listen more than we speak. We show empathy by encouraging others to talk and following what they say. Many people feel alone. Listening with empathy is one of the most important gifts we can give someone. Jesus' second lesson for us is to display empathy. Once someone expresses his/her feelings and feels heard, the healing process begins.
Lesson 3: Demonstrate Patience
“Many among his disciples heard this and said, “This is tough teaching, too tough to swallow.” Jesus sensed that his disciples were having a hard time with this and said, “Does this throw you completely? What would happen if you saw the Son of Man ascending to where he came from? The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don't make anything happen. Every word I've spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this.” (Jesus knew from the start that some weren't going to risk themselves with him. He knew also who would betray him.) John 6:60-64, The Message
John recorded how patiently Jesus answered his disciples’ questions. Even as his followers argued, grumbled, and withdrew, Jesus remained calm and non-defensive. Listening patiently and attentively is difficult when we’re rushed or feel we already know what the person will say. Sometimes, when patients are afraid and angry, they take it out on their care providers. Patient, caring listening diffuses fear, anxiety, and stress. Think of how Jesus responded when he was attacked by the Pharisees and his own people. He patiently listened.
We show Jesus' love and concern by being patient listeners. Just being near, giving eye contact, or asking questions related to what is being said makes a person feel valued.
Lesson 4: Ask Clarifying Questions
“You've been with me all this time, Philip, and you still don't understand? To see me is to see the Father. So how can you ask, ‘Where is the Father?’ Don't you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I speak to you aren't mere words. I don't just make them up on my own. The Father who resides in me crafts each word into a divine act. Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can't believe that, believe what you see – these works.” John 14:9-11, The Message
Jesus asks pertinent questions to get his disciples to think, question, and take responsibility for their beliefs and actions. Jesus' words tease listeners into active thought by getting them to come to their own conclusions. By asking clarifying questions, he causes listeners to hear themselves and their hearts.
There’s an art to asking questions. Through sensitive probing, listeners discover underlying issues and concerns. Questioning clarifies verbal and nonverbal messages and provides more accurate data about the emotions and thoughts of others. Rather than keeping thoughts and feelings hidden, questioning opens channels of communication.
Lesson 5: Reinforce and Summarize
“I am Light that has come into the world so that all who believe in me won't have to stay any longer in the dark. If anyone hears what I am saying and doesn't take it seriously, I don't reject him. I didn't come to reject the world; I came to save the world. But you need to know that whoever puts me off, refusing to take in what I'm saying, is willfully choosing rejection. The Word, the Word-made-flesh that I have spoken and that I am, that Word and no other is the last word. I'm not making any of this up on my own. The Father who sent me gave me orders, told me what to say and how to say it. And I know exactly what his command produces: real and eternal life. That's all I have to say. What the Father told me, I tell you.” John 12:46-50, The Message
Jesus gives an excellent model for how to reinforce and summarize a message. He reinforces his purpose by reiterating key points. Jesus knows that many messages don't reach a person the first time, so repetition is necessary for retention. He uses different examples to reach different listeners.
Try to listen carefully and test your understanding of what others are saying. By repeating what you’ve heard, you increase the likelihood that you interpret messages correctly.
As healing professionals who also are Christians, we can learn from the power of effectively listening to foster greater compassion and care for the people with whom we work and live. Christians can make a difference by modeling effective listening skills. Good listening is a calling modeled by Christ.
Kittie W. Watson, PhD, was president and founder of Innolect Inc., a global leadership and organizational development firm when she wrote the JCN article from which this post is excerpted. She facilitates retreats on Listening as a Healing Ministry and Building Christian Community.
Read the full article the Journal of Christian Nursing.
Grow your capacity for Christ-exemplifying empathy—view the free recorded webinar, Empathy: The Gift of Connecting. Free NCPD hours for NCF members.
