As our hospice program at St. Luke’s Hospital in New York City grew, our team learned that showing love to our patients meant interacting with them as individuals who happened to be dying rather than just seeing them as dying. Praying for wisdom before speaking to patients helped me to connect with them, particularly with patients like John∗.
At our first encounter, he looked at me, the whites of his eyes red due to his illness. “I look like a monster, don't I?” he asked. I replied that what was on the inside was what was important; that was a positive step for our ongoing interactions. John had no family or job and was mentally challenged. Welfare supported him in a shabby room in a Manhattan hotel.
One afternoon, I wheeled him into the hospital solarium where other patients were playing Bingo. John joined the game—and won. Receiving a prize, he said, “I've never won anything, not anything, until today.” Back in his unit, he called out jubilantly to staff in the nurses' station, “Look at what I won! I won!” Prayer and the caring community allowed John to die having experienced love.
The Importance of Hope
Apart from providing pain and symptom control, we treated minor ailments and provided psychological and spiritual support for patients and their families. As patients neared death, the nature of their hope changed; they wanted to know that we could control their symptoms and pain. Those with faith in Jesus also had the hope of eternal life.
Dana∗, a believer in Jesus, expressed her hope of eternal life. At her moment of death, a radiant smile crossed her face. Her face conveyed such peace and joy that we opened the curtains around her bed so others could see her face.
Seeking Forgiveness
One patient, David∗, remarked, “God has two books: a good book and a bad book. And I'm in the bad book.” When I asked him why, he said he had murdered a man, deserted his wife and child, and been drunk most of his life. During our conversations, I told him about the God's promises of forgiveness for our sin and read from Scripture how Jesus had forgiven the thief who was dying on the cross next to him (Luke 23:39-43) and how Moses had murdered a man (Exodus 2:11-15), yet God chose him to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. David remained unconvinced.
After discharge, he began drinking again and ended up in jail for theft. After his release, the hospice chaplain visited him at home and found an alcohol rehabilitation program that would accept him. Hospice team members called daily and visited frequently.
David stopped drinking, but complications from his malignancy brought him back to the hospital. As he neared death, he asked the chaplain to anoint him with oil, and finally David was able to accept God's forgiveness. Moments later, peace came over his face and he died. David's relationship with God was restored by hearing the Bible's truth about forgiveness and experiencing forgiveness and the love of Christ through the people around him.
Giving Back
One afternoon I visited a homebound Chinese patient, Jian∗, who had no relatives in the United States. His life had revolved around work as a waiter, earning money to send back to China for his wife and son. His apartment, shared with other workers, had little furniture and walls of light green peeling paint. He served me tea in a beautiful porcelain cup with a painted rose and a piece of cake; Jian breathed heavily as he moved between the stove and the refrigerator.
I surreptitiously peered into the refrigerator; it was empty apart from the box for the single piece of cake he had for me, and milk for my tea. He did not take any tea or cake for himself. Jian was dying, but his chief concern was my comfort.
As I left, he told me how honored he was that I would come to his home. That cup of tea and piece of cake remain among the most priceless gifts I have ever received. I cried on the subway back to the hospital.
*All names changed to preserve privacy.
Roberta Lyder Paige, MAN, BSN, RN, CCM, worked with hospice patients and later developed a case management program for high-risk Medicaid pregnant women and infants. She lives in Portsmouth, VA.
Read Roberta’s article, “Transforming Dying: The First Holistic Hospital-Based Hospice in the United States” for free this month in the current Journal of Christian Nursing.
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